By Jae Vitug | World of Thoughts ©
“I told you to be patient, because in a moment I’ll be with you, and it will be a different kind…”
– Bon Iver (Skinny Love)
We’ve promised forever, but I guess promises really are meant to be broken, and forever, is just a matter of time.
Never have I expected that you’d leave me again, but hey, you did it once, why was I so stupid to believe that you wouldn’t do it again?
All you had to do was stay, all you had to do was give me that assurance that you’d be there.
I need to know you’d be there.
Isn’t that how “friends” are supposed to be? That’s how it’s supposed to work isn’t it?
However, we’re not only just the best of friends and you know that. When everybody’s gone, we are the constant ones. We’re each others’ anchors, we’ve been together through thick and thin, we have that strong bond that lasted through time, and that irrevocable connection that is ever present.
We’ve had so much history, but as much as I want to preserve what we have, I can’t only decide for us, I need you to want this too.
Everyone believes in us, but how come you’re giving up? Why now? Don’t you think it’s too much for you to just ghost on me, disappear like we’re nothing? We aren’t that. You’re better than that.
Abandoning people is not what helps them. Leaving is what hurts.
Recently, you said a lot has been going on with you, then tell me, you always have, you don’t have to stop today. If telling me isn’t an option anymore, then what is? I am so used to you running to me, and me to you. You were always there for me when I needed you most. You saved me from myself and I will be forever thankful, but if anything, I want to be able to repay you, I genuinely do. I just care too much and I don’t want to be blindsided by whatever’s happening with you. I’m living because of you, thus, let me be here for you.
Given, right now you’re too far away from me, and I can’t help you physically, but please know that I’m still here. For years we’ve endured our miles apart, and we still can. It didn’t even bother us a hair before. I have so many reasons that outweighs the rationality of why you should leave. But for now, just know that you can’t, because you shouldn’t. You can’t move on because you know I’ll feel all alone without you.
We have our differences, yes, but together, these differences at no time mattered.
You know why?
Because we’re a perfect fit, we complete each other.
And while nobody else understands what we have, we do, because you and I both know what we mean to one another.
You are my other half.
Together we’re at our bests, together, we are beautiful.
But like any other relationship there is, we have our flaws too. We aren’t perfect, we’re gonna fight sometimes, but I’m never going to stop loving you, no matter how much we fight or what we fight about. I chose you, and I’ll choose you over and over and over again, without a pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat, I’ll keep choosing you.
I can imagine you with someone else, that’s alright, but life without you? I don’t even want to go there.
You’ll always have a huge part that lives within me. If I have to beg, you know I would. I can’t loose you. I’ve made myself vulnerable to you and I don’t know how I’d live the rest of my life knowing I lost someone so precious. I’d loose myself too…
For now, nothing could compensate with you gone. I don’t think anyone can ever replace you. You made a huge impact in my life that would linger until my memory lives.
You care too, you still do. I see it in the way you look at me, the way you speak with me, and the way I hear you laugh whenever we flashback to those moments we’ve shared in our own private bubble. Those silent smiles on the phone, speaking about our future together, about the things that are yet to happen, and what we’re willing to sacrifice…
You cherish me in a way that nobody else does. You know me as who I am, on my deepest soul, and not who I’ve pretended to be.
But, against my better judgment, I feel like we’re slowly drifting apart, or is it just me and my paranoid self?
Perhaps, I’m just not ready to accept the fact that we’re growing up.
I don’t know what to call this stage of us, but maybe, just maybe, it’s a blessing in disguise. If we’ve already become as much as a distraction to each other, then I guess with this, we’d be able to focus back on each other’s lives, and do what we shall do.
I know it’s not us not to share our moments with one another, but darling if you believe that this is what you and I need, then so be it.
We always come back to each other.
I may not trust my own judgement, I admit that my instincts aren’t usually right, but I trust you, and that’s more than enough for me.
So take your time, I’ll do me, and you do you. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be waiting.
I love you… Forever…
My best friend.
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