By Paul Hudson | Elite Daily ©
I’ve had my fare share of both amazing and horrific experiences with women. I don’t fall in love easily, and I’m not one to settle, so I’m sure you can imagine that my dating experiences have been very… colorful.
Sometimes things end well. Sometimes they don’t. The one thing that has yet to change is that things always end. This isn’t the goal. But “it is what it is.”
People are what make relationships complicated. I’m not a straightfoward person, and I like dating complex women. So finding myself in complex and emotionally intense situations isn’t uncommon.
I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t get his interest caught too often. But when my interest is piqued, I’m not likely to back down. I’m stubborn like that, only because I know what I Iike — and I like what I like. Nevertheless, spending years not being able to find anyone who clicks does get a bit frustrating.
The truth is that even though I wanted to date again, I wasn’t really ready to date again. I’d been going through a rough patch, and although I can’t say that I “wasn’t myself,” I wasn’t the best version of myself.
My sanity was being stretched on all ends: Family issues, business issues, love issues, friend issues, etc…
Some people are afraid to fall in love again because they fear heartbreak. That isn’t me. If anything, I’m afraid of breaking hearts.
I’m okay with having my heart broken. You should be, too. In fact, that’s what being in love is. It’s having your heart break every time you miss your partner, every time you have to say goodbye, every time you get a little jealous or worried about your companion’s safety.
Heartbreaks remind us we’re in love. You can’t avoid heartbreak in relationships. Even the relationships that never end still give us some grief. But that isn’t the kind of heartbreak we fear, is it? No — our biggest fear is usually watching our loved one walk away (it adds insult to injury when there’s no warning).
I can’t say that I blame you; I don’t wish that sort of heartache on to anyone. Losing the one you love is a life-changing experience. Sometimes it’s for the better; sometimes it’s for the worse. But people do change.
If we’re wise, how can we grow as partners and individuals? Relationships fail because the people in them make mistakes. As long as we learn from our mistakes, we have a better chance of making our next relationship succeed.
The desire to make something last will make you give love another try. You’ll set your fears and reservations aside and allow yourself to love again. You’re going to need to risk having your heart broken into millions of pieces if you ever want to love again. Because without that risk, it isn’t love.
Do you have it in you to take such a leap of faith? I sure hope so. Because if you’re like me, you’ll never be content until you find someone to love.
Do I fear having my heart broken? No. In fact, I anticipate that — it’s part of the excitement. Not knowing if things will work out — if she will fall for me, if she will continue to love me — is what love is supposed to be.
You’re not supposed to know. You’re not supposed to feel entirely secure. Your relationship needs to feel as if it’s capable of falling apart.
Why? That’s simple: because your relationship is always at risk of falling apart. Just because you choose not to accept this doesn’t change it.
Most people get too comfortable when their relationship is going well for a long time. Most people only try to impress their partners for as long as it takes to lock the relationship down.
Once people have the apple of their eye to themselves, they feel as if their work is done. Chances are that the last relationship you had failed because either you or your partner got lazy and stopped trying.
He stopped trying to impress you. She stopped trying to be the partner you wanted. He stopped trying to make your life better, more exciting, more romantic and more loving. Somehow, your soulmate became a roommate, and you were surprised that everything broke down.
It’s funny — you fear having your heart broken. You fear loving again. You fear all the overwhelming emotions that love brings. But you know what? You’re going to look back on all of it one day.
You’re going to run through your life in your mind when you’re old and withered, and what do you think will be your most significant memories? What do you think you are going to want to relive?
The answer: Love. You’re going to wish you did more of it. You’re going to wish you risked having your heart broken more often. You’re going to wish you could continue feeling as amazing, as horrible and as sad as love managed to make you feel.
Because those days — the ones that made you feel alive — are gone. I’d rather have my heart broken then to never love at all. Because I know for a fact that I will never regret falling in love.